Something I Need

You got something I need
In this world full of people there’s one killing me…

Tonight is one of those nights. My body is exhausted (high five to me for finally knocking the dust off of my workout kicks today) but my mind is rebelling against any form of sleep even though it knows I need to be up at 3:30 in the morning.  As I lay here listening to the rain, the topic on my mind is chemistry.

Not the kind of chemistry that involves periodic tables and test tubes,  but chemistry between people. Have you ever met someone that you had instant attraction to?  You are going about your daily routine-this person walks into the room and suddenly the world turns completely upside down. You forget that anything else exists-the task that was so important to you a moment ago fades into the background.

You have to remind yourself to breathe and your heartbeat would set off every heart monitor within a thousand mile radius.

Your eyes meet and you feel like tiny little shocks of electricity are running through your entire body. You have to physically command yourself to stop staring so people don’t think you have gone crazy.

It’s a connection unlike any other on earth and hard to put into words. Madness is one that comes to mind.You feel like this person is MEANT to be a part of your life in some way even though you know it logically makes no sense.

It’s instant chemistry. Undeniable. Powerful. Illogical.

That feeling, in my experience, is one that does not happen often (or ever in some cases). However rare, once you have experienced that overwhelming magnetic pull toward another person, you will find it hard to settle for anything less. You will always compare meeting any new person to that ” moth to a flame” feeling you had. Anything else pales in comparison. I am not a drug user but I imagine it’s the same kind of high-and you will forever be changed by it.

Is it all flowers and sunshine? Not even close. Along with the sheer intensity of this kind of connection comes those creeping thoughts of doubt, insecurity, and fear.  When your heart feels so strongly pulled to someone, your brain starts trying to dissect it. Make sense of it. If you aren’t prepared for this (as is often the case) you over analyze your feelings and end up running away from them.

Without understanding that there’s a secret order to love, you feel out of control. And no one likes that. You often crash and burn before you even realize that you just needed to grab the wheel and hold on tight. You find yourself sitting among the wreckage feeling bewildered by how you got there.

Lessons of love come in many forms.

Sometimes you run away only to find yourself feeling lost and out of sync with your heart. The lesson is sometimes admitting that you were wrong. That you were weak when you should have been strong. Sometimes it’s coming to terms with the damage you have done, taking measured steps to mend those wounds and make your heart whole again. Sometimes it’s asking for forgiveness and a chance to make things right. Sometimes it’s forgiving yourself.

At the end of the day, life is about growth. Never bypass or downplay the connections you feel-they are there for a reason. The people who affect you the most profoundly are your greatest teachers in love. Listen to the lessons they try to teach you.

Will it always be easy? Nope. All matters of the heart involve risk.  Allowing yourself to be completely vulnerable is terrifying sometimes.

 Will it be worth it?




7 Comments Add yours

  1. Weird Guy With The Dog says:

    I’ve only felt that once, and I’ve never seen her again. It was magic and heartbreak at the same time, and I will never forget her face.


    1. Magic and heartbreak-that’s a pretty accurate description. It’s definitely an experience that stays with you. I think everyone should experience it at least once in their lifetime.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh god. I know exactly what you mean – exactly what I’ve just been through. Ouch.


  3. Would you be happy for me to reblog this? (relates to my latest post I think too). It says so much of what I have said, have wanted to say, and have felt. I have just read it a second time and have tears running down my cheeks. You’re right – some people never feel it. The hurt is agonising, but the lessons are profound.


    1. Absolutely! I think that’s what I love most about blogging. You always feel alone with your thoughts-now I know that others have learned the same lessons along the way 💕

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Reblogged this on runningin3time and commented:
    Found this on walkamongthewildflowers…


  5. Bret says:

    Laura, I enjoy reading your stuff. Your voice withstands the blitz of information speeding through the Intertubes and making the next generation of adults emotionally, well, dumb. Your emotional intelligence has always been brilliant, but the way you can express it like this is so refreshing. Love is the most magnetic force and the most repelling at the same time. There is a pull to it and a loss of control. Then there is resistance trigged by fear. Fear can completely smother love. Many couples fail to overcome the fear part before it completely overwhelms them. But the loss of a loved one, or of a loving relationship reminds us that we at least have the capacity to love. That is a miraculous achievement. And comforting. Maybe next time, fear will be no match.

    Liked by 1 person

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