I believe in a thing called love

Just listen to the rhythm of my heart

There’s a chance we could make it now

We’ll be rocking ’til the sun goes down

I believe in a thing called looooove, hoo-ooh

Guitar!!!

The Darkness

That song still incites a ridiculous one person carpool karaoke session every time I hear it. You know-one of those cringe-worthy moments when you just pray no one was paying attention to you at the stoplights as you were surely looking like a total moron. I mean, what’s life without total public embarrassment once in a while??

As I was flipping through my Google photos in an attempt to organize and free up some much coveted space today, I had one of those fun memory rollercoaster rides through the last few years of my life. I stumbled across the first photo Daniel and I took together and it made me smile. 

It’s true that the more intimately you know someone the more clearly you will see their flaws. You might think you love someone until you see them when they are exhausted, under pressure, scared, at odds with themselves or even just really really ridiculously hungry. Never discount hunger, guys. It can be a real game changer. 

You see the “when shit gets real” side of them that doesn’t come out on a first or second date. You know exactly what I am talking about. We all have those less than flattering characteristics we don’t broadcast to the world and mayyyybe make us look a tiny bit batshit. 

My claim to fame is generally when I get too hot. In any situation really but excessively so when I am trying to get ready in the mornings. A perfectly innocent moment drying my hair in the bathroom can escalate quickly into hairbrushes being hurled across the room, removal of any and all clothing, cursing like the saltiest of sailors and generally showing my ass (figuratively and possibly literally). This does not a pretty picture make and it’s exacerbated by anyone being anywhere near me. 

What? All men don’t seek out the ladies who have completely irrational meltdowns when overheated?? Add a pinch of normal everyday sass and an uncanny ability to be right at all times and whoop there I am! 

D, in return, is the loudest person on earth (I mean this quite literally-fairly certain if there is life on Pluto they are familiar with his voice). He has an insatiable love for leaving every cabinet or drawer in the house open at all times and has a temper that would rival John McEnroe antics at the tennis courts on a bad day. Also, he is a Carolina fan so clearly questionable taste in college basketball. 

It’s a fire meets fire situation sometimes so sparks are bound to fly…and possibly put your eye out if you aren’t paying attention. 

When I look at the last two years I realize that D and I have seen each other at some of our lower points. We have survived covid, lockdown, sick parents, melanoma, work from home depression, irrational meltdowns, and uncertainty in how committed each of us were to our shared cause. 

There have been days we each likely wanted to throw the other in front of the annoyingly loud souped up rednecck masterpiece of a truck that rolls through our neighborhood at a steady 70 mph most days and call it a day…or an unfortunate accident. 😉

Real love is something different though. Something more. Real love is choosing and supporting your person even on the days you don’t even like them. When we truly love someone, we see the darkness in them and choose to stay at the wheel and keep driving rather than yelling to ourselves, “tuck and roll, bitch! Tuck and roll!!”

Love is deliberate and love is sometimes messy. It’s imperfect and it’s real. Anyone who says otherwise is either in denial or just afraid to admit their life is less than perfect because “what will people think???” I just said that with a huge eye-roll as I hate people who are always sooo worried about what someone else thinks about their relationship. Their life. How big their house is. The list goes on. 

The point is-we are going to let each other down sometimes. Not be what the other person needed us to be in some way. We are human and flawed. Love is knowing that and still being “all in”. 

While I have spent much of this post talking about our flaws, we have also shared so many amazing moments in these two years. We have grown together, spent hours lying in bed giggling like teenagers, explored lots of new places and given each other new ways of looking at the world around us. 

We have challenged each other and supported each other. Taken our boys on adventures. We have become best friends-and so have our dogs.  He has given me an appreciation for gardening-aka-not killing every green thing I touch. I have given him a better appreciation for hiking and traveling. 

At the end of the day, we choose each other. Even when it’s not convenient or easy. We choose each other despite our flaws. We choose each other on the good days and on the bad ones too. The bad ones may set out out to weaken us or lead us away from each other, but they actually make us stronger. They force us to lean on each other and appreciate the lessons they teach us. 

Today I am thankful and grateful for a love that drives me crazy yet I can’t imagine not having. We were driving by the house I grew up in the other day and he said “ I always thought you lived one more house up as I remember the school bus dropping you off there.” Our bus driver notoriously forgot our house then slammed on the brakes and dropped us off at the woods between our house and the neighbors…or else we were forced to ride the entire bus route. That is zero fun on any day but shitloads worse when you thought you only had a two min ride and didn’t pee before leaving school. And that folks was the day I peed on myself after making it all the way to my porch steps-but that’s a story for another day. 

How did he know/remember this random fact from like 30 years ago? Little moments like that are what reminds me of the serendipitous nature of life. We grew up together in the same neighborhood. We both had crushes on each other but never found the right time to voice or act on them. I remember looking for him on social media several times over the years only to be saddened when I didn’t find him. Then by chance I end up at his house one evening out of the blue two years ago and here we are. Cheers to life’s way of making sure you end up where you need to be-even when it’s not when and where you expected ♥️